The Arab Woman...

... waiting to be saved by Western pity. While in France for three months I had numerous conversation with French women about their regard for Arab culture, and muslim-hijab-wearing women who can be observed in major cities all across the (supposedly) secular country. Interestingly, these french women often had very terse words of reproach for the perceived oppression these women endure. My host mother expressed pity for these women who weren't aware of the joys to be had from living in a free and equal society. She told me she fears women who wear burqas, and even after sharing with her the story of a divorced french woman who chooses to wear the burqa she told me she wasn't convinced that people could choose to wear a garment that embodied female oppression. The university I attended  is located in one of the poorest areas on the outskirts of Toulouse and is populated by immigrant communities. Leaving the center of the city and heading to the university one could notice the change in demographics on the metro.

I remember many things from my travels in France, but the image that was most deeply burnt into my imagination was that of an arab-hijab- wearing woman in the Paris metro. She sat with her legs crossed, and her head bent lowly towards the ground. I couldn't see her face, so I stared at her frail outstretched right hand, which motioned vigorously at passing commuters. Here was a woman, universally regarded as oppressed, forced to assume a most submissive position because her society does not provide her with the means to become economically independent. The French conception of the marginalized arab woman is perpetuated by the arab woman herself. I recently came across the film Hijab: An Act of Faith, which actively debunks many of the assumptions one would make about Arab women, given the limited stories that we are told about their lives. I have included a 10 minute segment from the documentary in this post.

Western media houses regularly highlight stories of arab women living without rights. We are all acutely aware of the apparent patriarchal structures which are deeply rooted in Middle-Eastern societies. The metanarrative of Arab women experiences is set and any story which helps to legitimize this narrative is highlighted. On April 9 CNN released a sensational news piece about a Yemeni child bride who dies of internal bleeding following intercourse three days after she was married off to an older man. The report told us that the man is at least twice her age.

Elham Mahdi was only 12 years old. In September, another Yemeni girl who was forced into marriage died in childbirth. Her baby also died. Fawziya Ammodi was in labor for three days before she died of severe bleeding. In Yemen one in three girls is married before the age of 18. Most are married off to older men with more than one wife. For the girl's parents, marriage means the daughters are no longer a financial or moral burden. Most times, parents get a promise from the husband to wait until the girl is older to consummate the marriage.

We love stories like these! They affirm everything we ever thought was true about the experiences of women in (backward) Arab societies. The stories of Elham and Fawziya are not new to me. The names may be different but this particular storyline is often employed in Western media. The story is an important one that needs to be told, but it is not the only story about women in Yemen.

Three years ago I was fortunate enough to meet an inspirational young woman from Yemen. Unmistakably intelligent, and unapologetically Muslim, Esra'a Shdaifat* now attends a liberal arts college in Massachusetts, where she often butts heads with American women who pity her for something she declares to be her greatest strength. I had the opportunity to talk with Esra'a and ask her some questions about her experiences in Yemen.

ManIden: Hello Esra'a, thanks for joining me. Yemen is commonly regarded as one of the most conservative countries in the Middle East. Do you think the status of women has improved in your lifetime, or will improve in the future?

Esra'a: Hmmm, unfortunately no, not at all. There are still many women who experience all the kinds of violence and discrimination that we find in the media, everyday. I hear so many stories about girls forced into adulthoods by being married off to men more than three times their ages. When I was in high school almost half of my class was already engaged, some of them were forced to do so, but others had chosen. Also, until now fathers don’t allow their daughters to attend university after finishing high school. I have two friends who chose to get married just for the fact that they knew there is no hope of going to university. Adding to that Jaja, women are not allowed to work in yemen, their only jobs are to produce tons of kids and please their husbands. I guess there wont be any great improvement, because you can’t easily change a man's mentality. I mean, this is how men grew up and this is their culture, as it is for the women. However, not all families are the same and not all the men are the same, but I would say that the majority still perceives women as subservient to men.

ManIden: Wow. So you are suggesting that the subordination of women in Yemeni society is so deeply entrenched that it will be extremely difficult to ever achieve equality of the kind demanded in Western societies? Whether or no tyou think this is an acceptable reality is a different conversation. Everyday we see images and read stories about oppressed, abused Arab women. For this reason people in the West often feel pity for you when they meet you. How does this make you feel? And more broadly how do you feel as a woman from Yemen?

Esra'a: To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable when people generalize about situations of oppressed women and apply them to every women they see from the Middle East. People especially here Jaja think that I am an oppressed young lady, and that’s because I am wearing a head scrarf and and because I am from Yemen. Some people ask me stupid questions, such as, "are you gonna choose your husband?" Or, "Is it true that men are allowed to beat their wives in your culture?" And the questions go on and on. Sometimes they force me to feel ashamed of being from Yemen, and I hate this feeling so much.

How do I feel as woman from Yemen? Hmmm, since I have never been actively 'oppressed' in my life and I have never experienced what other women in my country have been through, I don’t have special feeling like hate for example. But I do still feel that I am not as equal as others, that there are still restrictions on me and I do still feel that I can’t do all the things that I want.

ManIden: Esra'a I understand it must be burdensome to carry the weight of an entire nation on your shoulders, but understand that these people have only been exposed to a very limited view of your people and your country, froma very particular perspective. Don't hesitate to talk to them and share your perspective. And don't hesitate to tell them that you do not need their pity. If you could say one thing to an American audience to educate them about the status of women in Yemen what would you say?

Esra'a: I would ask of people here to be more critical thinkers. Yemen is the poorest country in the Arab world. Many fathers engage their daughters in early marriage, just because they can't afford their living expenses. So people here need to stop judging the culture or the religion and look more deeply at all the factors that perpetuate the reality.

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I do not seek to obscure facts, or reality, but to deconstruct the reductionist Western narrative that renders Middle Eastern women voiceless, helpless and without agency. Women's rights movements in the West followed trajectories by which all other societies are now judged, in disregard for the historical and socio-cultural realities that shape gender relations and provide the basis upon which we must begin to discuss 'women's rights' for women in the Middle East. Inaction is not a viable response, but neither are narrow-minded judgements made from the point of view that our way is right and theirs is wrong. I think it is important for us to speak with women like Esra'a whose personal experiences can colour and sweeten our analyses and opinions of her society and culture.

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*Name has been changed.

Many thanks to Esra'a for agreeing to share her stories.